Forgiveness —Something we can do to keep ourselves healthy

Many years ago, I read a piece of advice that truly caused me to reflect. The statement was about letting go of petty grievances and of not harboring resentment. It proclaimed that forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, not others. Each of us, in our lifetime, has experienced an assault on our identity or sense of self (pride), or on our body. We feel we must defend our bruised egos, reclaim who we are, and create a sense of fairness and justice by getting even. We expect that to make ourselves whole, the person who perpetrated the injustice must apologize, or in some other way give of themselves in order to "make things even."

To the extent that we must endure such injustices, we feel abused and hurt, and we feel we cannot go on until that wrong is somehow "righted". All the while, however, this resentment is creating a knot within us, something that represents "unfinished business". We carry this extra baggage along with us, perhaps adding additional baggage over time, and then realizing one day that we have a lot of this baggage weighing us down, and it truly does weigh us down.

There is abundant evidence now about how the endocrine system, the regulator of hormones that flow from our emotions, can yield unhealthy consequences over time if we continue to carry this additional emotional weight. It can and does create conditions that lead to increased risk for physical and mental illness. Yet, summoning the strength to be larger than any particular issue is to truly proclaim one's independence and create the emotional conditions that empower the body and the mind. This is often easier said than done because we are so habituated to acting like a victim when we are assaulted. We often forget that there is sometimes more power in "not doing" as in "doing"— in yielding rather than forcing. That is a principle of Taoism.

So, it turns out that one of the most beneficial "fitness exercises" a person can do is learning how to forgive. Think of forgiving as "giving for health and happiness"—our own!

More Thoughts on Attention, Gratitude, and Happiness

Recent posts have concerned the importance of truly attending to what we are doing, appreciating its beauty and benefit, and recognizing how fortunate we are to be experiencing each moment. We acknowledged that doing this is not easy for many people, because our minds are constantly bombarded with stimuli, we have too much to do, and the preoccupation of what has or will happen creates a detour for what is happening right now.

How many of us have done a routine, such as dressing, or even driving to work, and finding that we are unable to recall any of the actual details of going through that routine? It's as though our minds were on automatic pilot. We were concerned about the budget, the important upcoming meeting, or the argument we had with our boss. How many people, during those lulls of inattention, forget to notice the dog crossing the street, or the stop sign? Sadly, this occurs on occasion with life altering and tragic consequences.

Yet, those outcomes, as rare,dramatic, and often tragic as they are; are arguably no more problematic than a life gone by and missed through inattention. It is sometimes said that we never fully appreciate what we have, until we lose it. Part of the reason for this, it seems, is that we are not fully experiencing and appreciating what we have. We too soon accommodate to comfort, and in doing so we focus on what we imagine might be missing to make the moment more complete.

A friend shared a humorous clip recorded from the Conan late night show. Although the humorist shown in the clip pokes fun at how blasé we have become in the face of 21st Century hyperchange, he makes an important point about appreciation and gratitude. You can see the clip here.

If we define each moment as the perfect experience that it is, concerns seem to evaporate. This is a principle of Taoism; namely, if we accept what comes to us and experience it without comparing it to another condition or state, we are not evaluative, we simply are, in our all too short, wonderful state of being. By doing so, we create the conditions for happiness at all times.