Home again

It's hard to believe I have not posted a blog entry for three weeks, and I'm amazed at how fast time has passed. Of course, I've been busy; but then again, so have you. Which prompts a reflection in this post about the perception of time. That is, how it seems to pass so quickly on some occasions and so slowly on others.

As a person well into middle age, I have the distinct impression that time accelerates as we get older.  I can recall endless and interminable afternoons in my desk during the fifth grade (and perhaps on more recent occasions as I endured disengaging lectures). In the sixth grade I was fortunate to have a master teacher and felt constantly engaged; the time passed quickly and I excelled. I now wonder if there was a relationship between the two experiences (my performance and my perception of time).

Of course, there have been scientists interested in this phenomenon, both from a psychological perception perspective and a time use/accuracy of reporting standpoint. Not surprisingly, time use scientists report that perceived versus actual time spent working is inflated, while perceived versus actual time spent in leisure and social activity is underestimated. Go figure.

The whole complex matter of perceived time passage, performance, and happiness is immensely interesting, and invites the possibility that loneliness is associated with depression because of disengagement and the perception that time crawls mercilessly through uninviting terrain—rather than springing, as it should, through more pleasant surroundings. 

I'll have a look at the literature to see if any enterprising (engaged) scientist has cleverly considered these questions and report them if I find anything. Meantime, if you discover something, or have a thought to share, please feel free to post it here. Meantime, I wish you engaging moments.

Life changing books: "How to Want What You Have".

We readers, every once in awhile, stumble upon books that have a profound influence on us, often in subtle ways, as though they planted an idea in our heads that needed marinating or slow cooking before it truly delivered its "full flavored" goodness.

How To Want What You Have by Timothy Ray Miller is one of those books. My take away from the book included the inescapable thought that we are "conditioned" by culture to be discontent, to constantly want more— to want to be happier, prettier, wealthier, smarter, or more popular. Miller provides an explanation for this, describing that the nervous system is wired for stimulation, and that we adapt so quickly to new circumstances that we are often soon looking for something different to counteract our boredom. We truly believe that more is better—and perhaps because we are optimists— we tend to think that just around the corner there is a better situation, a nicer car, a more beautiful partner (or self), or a bigger house that will make us happier. Of course, because we adapt so quickly to change, that new house soon becomes inadequate in our insatiable quest for happiness based on more, bigger, or better. Believing that more will lead to happiness is akin to thinking that the mirage of the green oasis in the middle of the desert will quench our thirst. Of course, it is an illusion, it has no water at all.

The "bigger house" habit pattern exhibited by millions helped get us in the economic situation we are currently in—but I digress. Dr. Miller makes three fine, life changing recommendations for addressing these insatiable (and we'd now have to say potentially destructive) habit patterns. It turns out that they are interconnected—each tends to reinforce the others.

First and perhaps most importantly, Miller recommends that we learn to adopt and practice the essential characteristic of attention, or being in the moment. There is so much good and beauty in the world, so much to appreciate about living, that we cannot hope to live it fully, to breathe in all of its goodness and wonder, without paying attention to what is around us to appreciate. Perhaps like many others, during my youth I was always focused on the days ahead, impatient to move into the future with the over confident swagger and naivete of a sophomoric boy scout who knows a little, but does not appreciate how inadequate that "little amount of knowledge" is, or how many more important lessons are waiting to be learned in the world "out there". Attention is at the heart of many eastern philosophies, and described well in "The Power of Now" by author Eckhart Tolle. To be attentive, Tolle points out, usually means counteracting the tendency of the mind to fill itself with unnecessary concerns and distractions beyond the immediate.

Second, since we are paying attention to what's around us, we should practice being grateful for what we have, what is around us. We are now learning that things can get worse and it a good principle never to take anything for granted in this life. We have multiple examples every day about the fragility of life. This makes obvious the importance of gratitude, or appreciating what we have now and not squandering the moment worrying about what we do not have.

Finally, Miller recommends that in recognizing that things happen unexpectedly, any one of us can find ourselves in "deep sneakers" before we know it. We all make mistakes, live in proverbial glass houses, and are human (at least for the time being, before the androids depicted in A.I. begin to be manufactured!). Therefore, it is an expression of our humanity for us to recognize that we are one among many others, and that we live in the shelter of each other (love that Irish proverb!). If we display compassion for others, we demonstrate that humanity. Compassion is an essential ingredient in a supportive community. It is at the heart of charity and philanthropy, a key basis for volunteerism. It is a moral foundation for kindness and the cooperation that is necessary for group living humans to survive. Compassion, in my view, has been in short supply in some parts of the United States for many years. Hopefully, it will see a comeback in the coming days and months when we really need to be in top form as we support each other.

So, the essential message here is: attention gratitude, and compassion are important characteristics, and they are linked to each other. When we practice these, good things happen— in many ways—and in ways that are good for us as well as for others. The bonus, however, is that these greater rewards cost us nothing and have the power to make us happier while making our communities stronger!!! And in these times, we all can use a bargain that leads us to greater happiness!

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."—Buddhist Proverb

Happiness is...

A professor named Ed Diener at the University of Illinois is among the leading scientists studying happiness. In fact, a whole new area of psychology, known as positive psychology, has emerged in the past few years devoted specifically to understanding what creates favorable feelings or mindsets, such as life satisfaction or upbeat attitudes. A few years ago, Martin Seligman, another psychologist, published the book "Authentic Happiness" in which he described this new movement and some of its characteristics. A website devoted to authentic happiness (with over 700K registered users) is cited in the list of links on this blogsite.

Among the mildly surprising findings from emerging research on happiness is that, on average, people tend to be reasonably happy. It is also worth noting that in cross national studies, some surprising findings have emerged. The top five happiest countries, it seems, are NOT among the world's richest: 1. Nigeria 2. Mexico 3. Venezuela 4. El Salvador 5. Puerto Rico. (Source: University of Michigan World Values Survey (WVS). Only Denmark and Ireland break into the top five when an alternate measure is used. In case you are curious, the U.S. ranked 15th out of 79 countries studied.

So what accounts for this? Clearly, neither per capita income nor standard of living as measured by material goods are determinants of happiness. (But we knew this, despite the pervasive greed attack that put us into the world economic mess we now face.) It seems that buying more simply creates the illusion that buying even more objects will eventually get us to the poorly defined destination of happiness we crave. But enough on that topic. You can read more about this if you want at the WVS website, or scientific articles at Ed Diener's website.

At the end of the day, happiness is a subjective state. It's what we perceive. Some people are ecstatic because they love what they do rather than what they earn. Some people have the best of both worlds. And many people believe that it's all about contentment and supportive, loving relationships. Important relationships exist for us all in many domains. For example, we have important relationships with ourselves, with others, with the environment, and with the world beyond, however we may want to define "the world beyond".

I'm curious about what YOU believe leads to personal happiness. Please share your thoughts below.

And...here's a toast to YOUR happiness in the year ahead!

Work-Life Balance and the President-Elect

One of the less cited but important change objectives identified by the transition team of President-Elect Barack Obama is to pursue policies that attend to the issue of work-family balance. This is a personal interest of Michelle Obama, the soon to be" First Lady", who mentioned it on the widely watched interview of the couple aired on 60 Minutes a few weeks ago.

Work-family balance is not a concept that has been on the radar screen of the popular press in the U.S. but it is likely one that will gain increasing attention. The concept is known by other names, including work-life balance, life balance, lifestyle balance, etc and is important because it reflects the growing awareness that life as it is often lived in developed countries these days is too hectic, too busy, too stressful, or too crazybusy to be satisfying or healthful.

Some countries, including Canada and several in Europe, have passed legislation designed to create a sustainable balance between work and family life. There is an economic motive behind such legislation, since "spillover"(stress in one area of life, such as work, affecting another, such as family life) leads to less productivity and more turnover. It can also create health problems.

It may be of interest to note that a few social scientists around the world have been working on this problem to better understand what constitutes a "balanced life". I'm interested in your thoughts on this. Please feel free to comment, providing your armchair theory, your experiences, observations or stories.